Taking the Time for Pain & Growth

Note: This started as an email to a friend and ended up as a blog post. Sometimes the words just come and I don’t really know where they are going.

So I get up this morning, resolved to pack as much into this day as I can since I am falling behind in my story calendar. And then, of course, what do I find in my mailbox? Dang that Joan Chittister!

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional,” says the Buddhist proverb. Learning and living that is such a long, long process.

I don’t think that mindfulness and contemplation is an excuse to stop doing, but rather an reason to stop expecting things to go as we think they should and to stop suffering when they don’t.

Keep striving, keep moving, recognize the pain of your full immersion into life. We draw back from life to keep from feeling the pain — at least that is what we try to do. But it doesn’t work that way. We either feel the pain of doing and belonging and being, or we feel the pain of avoidance and separation and withdrawal.

If pain is inevitable, which pain would you prefer to undertake? I choose the pain of doing, of belonging, and of being. But I cannot choose it once and for always, it is a choice that I must continue to make.

With much love to you,


The following is from an email I receive from Joan Chittister on a regular basis (I really don’t know how often). You can subscribe here: Joan’s Newsletter. It doesn’t come very often and she is just so brilliant that I don’t know how you could even think of not subscribing.

What Do You Have Time For?
One of the obsessive concerns of contemporary society is speed. Everything we produce we produce to go faster than the ones before it. Planes go faster than the speed of sound, though no one cares. Computer upgrades costing hundreds of dollars are downloaded every day to take milliseconds off the operating speeds of the versions before them. To be valuable now, everything must go faster, start up more quickly, work at speeds measured in numbers no mind can calculate. We want instant oatmeal, electronic ticketing, accelerated educational programs, weekend college courses, and world news in thirty seconds or less. We are “a people on the move.” We want results. We are not a people who believe in process anymore, much as we love to talk about it.

But the spiritual life does not operate in high gear at high speed. The spiritual life is a slow, slow uncovering of the mechanics of the soul and the even slower process of putting it all back together again, of coming to see what we never saw before—God everywhere and, most of all, in us. Ironically enough, in our haste, our generation has lost a sense of the value of time. Speed has not saved us time. It has simply enabled us to fill it with twice as much work as we used to do. The faster we go, the more we leave ourselves behind. We do not stop for sunsets anymore. We take pictures of them, instead, and then never take time to look at the pictures again.

But there are some things that cannot be hurried. We cannot hurry the process of grief, for instance. We cannot rush the project of growth. We cannot speed the effects of hurt. We cannot hasten the coming of love. We must not attempt to flit through the search for God and then, failing in the enterprise of a lifetime, call it fruitless. Each of those things comes in stages. Each of them takes soul-work.

Time, the contemplative knows, is given not for the sake of perfection but for the sake of discovery. There is a great deal to be discovered in life before we are finally able to break ourselves open to the God within and around us out of whom all life flows. What we learn in the course of a lifetime, is life-changing:

We must learn that no institution is God. Nothing that symbolizes God is God and cannot be absolutized.

We must learn that we are not God. The world was not made for our amusement; it was made for our growth. And grow we must, painful as the growing may be.

We must learn that the God who is not contained in any institution and who is the very breath we breathe, is in us waiting for us to come to that realization. We must stop looking for God in things. God is here.

Finally, we must learn that time is the gift of realization, not the death of all our dreams. Whatever is happening, whatever stage in which we find ourselves, is the stuff of God. And the more we have of it, the more we have of God in the now. To be a contemplative we must begin to see time, not as a commodity, but as a sacrament revealing God to us in the here and now. Always.

–from Illuminated Life by Joan Chittister (Orbis)

~ by Kimberly Mason on August 17, 2010.

4 Responses to “Taking the Time for Pain & Growth”

  1. “We either feel the pain of doing and belonging and being, or we feel the pain of avoidance and separation and withdrawal.”

    Powerful way to put the choice of investing in life or avoiding it. And I have chosen the easier- avoidance. But you are sooo right. there is a great deal of pain in that choice, and not near as much self respect~~~ Thank you for once again giving me an important moment to ponder!

    Kim, you have such a way of taking a writing like Joan’s and adding your spin on it which makes it meaningful to me. In the instances where you have quoted her, I can’t really feel her intent, and then you write about it and I can grasp it. (This seems to happen with alot of the spiritual writings you quote. They are so hard for me to get until you put them into layman’s terms and I can grasp it- its a gift you have)

    Thanks for a good topic to chew on!

  2. I am rarely rendered wordless, but I am struggling just now after reading your profoundly moving “email to a friend.” Thank you for stopping by my blog and brightening my day, and thank you for sharing this and so much more with those of us who travel this road with you. You are a vessel of light, and in turn a beacon to others stumbling in the darkness. This is an extraordinary gift, and a great blessing to the rest of us. Peace be with you.

  3. […] P.S. For more pictures of the St. Urban church, go here. […]

  4. […] P.S. For more pictures of the St. Urban church, go here. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: